Here are a few samples from July… Mike

July 1rst

Did you know that one of our Canadian Prime Ministers was an active 12-Stepper?

Jim Coyle, a former reporter for the Toronto Star, once wrote an article admitting his alcoholism. Imagine his surprise when a former Conservative Prime Minister, Brian Mulroney, phoned him to offer congratulations and support. They hadn't been friends.

On another occasion, Doug S., a reporter who had, six months previously, rocked Mulroney's government by leaking excerpts of a budget, found himself on a government plane returning from Moscow. He became sorely triggered in the midst of reporters boozing it up in the back of the plane.

Mr Mulroney was in a conversation at the front of the plane where he was not to be disturbed. Doug approached, saying he was triggered. "Without hesitation, Mulroney said: "You've come to the right place." "The two slipped into Mulroney's private section and spoke until Doug settled down" - Jim Coyle, Toronto Star, March 1, 2024

It turns out our former Prime Minister spent a lot of time on the phone reaching out to friends "and foes" alike who suffered from alcohol addiction as part of his own step 12.

If a Canadian Prime minister can find the time to reach out to others who still suffer, I can, too. Imagine if this became a Canadian tradition.

Quote: "Your life will become better by making other lives better." - Will Smith

Stay sober, keep reaching out... and Happy Canada Day... mike.

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July 8

Early on, I rebelled against the idea of obtaining a sponsor. I didn't want someone peering deep into my soul and seeing what I had hidden for so long. I was so used to handling things "All By Myself ."There was also a sense of pride in "standing on my own two feet" and being a "provider ."I had a massive ego. I didn't even know how much help I desperately needed.

My addiction was like a gang of unidentified thugs relentlessly beating on me. It was too much to handle all by myself. A rich person can hire a bodyguard, but I got my gang for free... well, I had to make twelve ego payments (and the payments are ongoing), but the rewards have been priceless.

You can find your gang in church halls, community buildings, or online every night of the week, talking about step work, recovery, and the way forward. Don't let your addiction beat you up any longer!

"All By Myself" almost ended my life; don't let it ruin yours.

Once again, a children's storybook character, a bear with very little brain, was much more intelligent than me.

Quote: This whatever it was...has now been joined by another…whatever-it-is...and they are now proceeding in company. Would you mind coming with me piglet? In case they turn out to be Hostile Animals." - AA Milne, Winnie the Pooh

Stay sober, don't forsake meetings, finish your steps, and have a great day... mike

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July 12

My addiction led me to disrespect women. The term "objectify" has long been associated with viewing porn, so I checked with studies to see how porn viewers "see" others outside of porn viewing. Yes, it turns out that we who view porn regularly do "see" women (and men) differently than non-porn users, and it does lead to attitudes of disrespect, but the term objectify (as in a table or chair) does not fully apply.

The term more properly used is "animalification" - treating a person as though she or he lacks the capacity for complex thinking and reasoning, but at the same time, treating them as though they have strong impulse desires and feelings (but all centered on sex).

The "Where's Waldo" exercise is still profitable for me when triggered. Where is the real person? Perhaps the question "Where is the complete person?" is now more correct to ask. What are their fears? Why are they broken? Did they have a childhood like mine? Do they get the same payoff drugs I do?

Do I want to take advantage of someone who is broken? No, I don't, and I won't, even if they want me to! I can no longer use damaged and sick people as fodder to fuel my pleasure, even if they themselves are willing subjects.

Those questions may not stop a trigger on their own, but over time, they have led me to a more complete view of both men and women.

Quote: "The problem here doesn't have to do with ignoring a person's mind but rather with focusing exclusively on just one part of that mind." Joshua Knobe, Experiments in Philosophy, Psychology Today, 2011.

Stay sober, try seeing the whole person, and have a great day.... mike

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July 13

I once asked someone what they thought an appropriate amend would be to their wife. I won't give their response, but I did offer some additional advice that whatever they did, they should attempt to "get it," meaning that they should understand the devastating effect our addiction has had on our wives/partners.

Dr. Jill Manning is a licensed marital and family therapist who has worked with the Heritage Foundation, researching the subject of pornography's impact on society and family. She works with wives of porn and sex addicts. You can find some of her articles and help resources for wives on the Covenant Eyes website.

Here is a statement from an article by Luke Gilkerson on Manning's work. "The discovery of this problem in a marriage is uniquely devastating, evoking an intense range of emotions. In fact, research supports that this is just as painful, if not more so, (emphasis mine), than a traditional affair. Hence, it's not surprising that we are seeing an increase in divorces relating to this issue."

I will text more on this topic tomorrow.

Quote: "If one of you is into porn and the other doesn't know, don't think that it isn't hurting your marriage. Every exposure to porn immerses you into a fantasy world that erodes the reality you could have together. It will change you; maybe it has already. Do you think you can keep it a secret? Get real. When your spouse discovers, he or she will very likely feel betrayed, rejected, unattractive, and abandoned." - Joe Beam, President, LovePath International.

Stay sober, step kindly with your partner, and have a great day. mike

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